Swallowed Alive Filler Scenes Another Take
by Upandatem
Summary: A sequel of sorts to Swallowed Alive. Tom has to face some hard consequences and decisions resulting from being in the lockup. Tom/Doug friendship. Starts with a filler scene. Title sucks. Rated T for some language.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my second fanfiction story. There seemed to be a lot of things missing from the Swallowed Alive episode. I guess 45 minutes isn't really enough time to cover everything. So, here is my take in between scenes and about what happened afterwards. The first chapter is a filler scene. The rest is what happens when Hanson gets out of the juvenile detention center.**

**Not slashy but I've tried to add in enough that if you want to go that way you can let your imagination consider it "pre-slash" for Tom and Doug.**

**Disclaimer: I own no character contained herein.**

Chapter 1

"Hey Dorothy, it's Tom. Do you know where Doug is? Is he okay?" Tom had finally gotten an opportunity to call and check up on Doug. Essentially two days in solitaire without word about what had happened to Doug except for being told he was sent to the "loony bin" had given Tom more than ample time to imagine every horrific possibility. Did someone find him? Was he drugged up to the gils surrounded by screaming people capable of doing who knows what like he had been a year earlier? Was Doug in yet another tiny room rocking back and forth begging for help? Every scenario that Tom had gone through in his head had made his stomach turn and heart ache. He had found himself on the verge of tears several times during the last two days but had held them back knowing that he probably had to continue playing a "McQuaid brother" for at least a little while longer. He had also almost blown his cover to try to get someone to tell him what was up but thought better of it when he came back to reality and remembered that he'd probably be killed if he claimed to be a cop. That probably wouldn't have helped Doug much.

His voice must have communicated his concern or Dorothy had known this phone call was coming because she quickly responded, "Yeah, Tom. He's here. He's okay. I picked him up from General Memorial Hospital just a couple of hours after they got him out of where you guys were. Are you okay? Where are you? I'll let you talk to Doug." Tom smiled a little at her typical Dorothy response. She didn't give him any time to answer her questions. She may have been brash but she was considerate enough to know what information Tom needed and that he had no interest in chatting with her but desperately needed to talk to Doug himself.

Doug must have been hovering over the phone because Tom immediately heard the familiar voice, "Hey Tom, are you okay?"

Relief rushed over Tom. At least Doug was home. Safe. Having someone taking care of him and making sure he was okay. Whatever issues Doug has to deal with after being in solitaire and then being dragged off to the hospital at least he could start dealing with now, at home.

"Yeah, are you?" Tom replied.

"Yeah, walls are not crashing in but I've been worried sick. Are you still in there?"

"Yeah, sorry I didn't call earlier. They wouldn't allow me to use the phone." This was technically true but Tom decided to leave out the details of why he wasn't allowed to use the phone. He wasn't about to tell Doug that he had been stuck in solitaire for yet another day.

"Oh, god, Tom. The assholes said they weren't going to pull you unless there were signs of you being in danger. What the hell? You're in there by yourself. How could you not be?" Doug said getting agitated. Although he was at home, he was still having a difficult time controlling some of his emotions. He was on edge and found himself getting overly upset at very minor things. That morning he had beaten his toothbrush to death after he had accidentally dropped some toothpaste on the floor. The doctor had told him to expect to have some "issues" after having a major panic episode and that the "issues" would pass with time but Doug knew that he wouldn't be able to relax until Tom had gotten the hell out of the detention center. Doug felt guilty and horribly mad at himself for leaving his partner alone in a hellhole where he could so easily be seriously hurt or killed if something went wrong. He had begged Fuller to get Tom out and Fuller had tried to convince the idiots downtown but the best Fuller could manage to do was get himself in to see Tom and that wasn't even going to happen until two days from now.

"Doug, it's okay. I'm fine. I just wanted to make sure you were okay." Tom again left out details. For one because he was surrounded by other inmates who were listening to his side of the conversation and for another because Doug sounded upset and Tom didn't want to make him more so by telling Doug that he had spent two days not knowing what the hell had happened to him. That no-one would tell Tom where Doug had been taken or what had been done to him even though as far as everyone in the detention center knew, Doug and Tom were juveniles and only had each other to rely on. They knew that Tom had heard Doug's cries and knew that Tom was upset when he had gone to Morty's office to ask where Doug was. Morty just laughed at him and told him that Doug wasn't coming back and that he better get used to taking care of himself. Tom was pissed but decided not to press it since he figured he could probably get a phone call later and try to catch Dorothy at home. He had only one phone call that he could make and had thought about calling Fuller but didn't know if he had been cut totally out of the loop or had any control of the situation. He was also angry at the department and wasn't about to call them figuring they would just tell him some cover story about Doug being fine and for Tom to just protect his cover and concentrate on the case.

"Do you need out?" Doug asked.

"That's it McQuaid. Your two minutes are up. Off the phone." Morty yelled.

"No, I'm fine. I gotta go. Will you be okay?" Tom asked quickly.

"Yeah, don't worry about me. I have Dorothy hovering over me 24 hours a day. Just watch yourself, ok? And call if you can if you need anything, ok? Tell me ok." Doug blurted out knowing the clock was ticking.

"Okay. I will. Take care. Bye"

With that, Tom hung up and handed over the phone to the next person in line and walked out of the office. Tom was so relieved at finally getting a chance to talk to Doug that he could physically feel the knot in his stomach loosen a bit. He took in a full breath of air in probably the first time in over two days. He knew that there was still a lot to work through but at least now he felt a just a glimmer of hope that all of this crap wasn't going to be for nothing. He couldn't let it. It would drive him mad if Doug had to go through what he did and then nothing came of it. So, he held on to what he could. He had the Hammer. He had a chance to figure out where the drugs were coming in and who had killed Ricky Greene. That could salvage what remained of his belief that the world works as it should. Right?

End of Chapter 1


	2. Chapter 2

**Here is Chapter 2. I hope you enjoy it. Thank you LoveStoryMermaid for the review!**

Chapter 2

As Hanson walked out the detention center, the cold air hit him and he shivered. He could start to feel exhaustion taking over. His head was pounding and he felt nauseous. He could hear Fuller quietly following him and stopped walking to let him catch up as Tom didn't know which way to go.

"Over here. We're going to go to the hospital to get you checked out and then I'll take you home," Fuller said as he took hold of Hanson's arm and directed him towards his car. He had been watching Tom closely as they left the center. Fuller knew from experience that when his officers made it out of extended stressful situations, the adrenaline that they were living off of usually wore off pretty quickly leaving them physically and mentally worn and emotionally vulnerable. He knew Tom in particular invested so much of himself into cases that he would fall very fast and very hard and he saw this happening as they walked to the car. Tom's head was hanging down, his shoulders were slumped and he didn't respond or complain or even look up when Fuller told him they were going to the hospital.

During the car ride, Fuller asked Tom several questions about what happened and what Tom found out. He kept the questions simple and mainly did it to make Tom talk instead of having him sit and quietly brood. The harder questions would come tomorrow when he knew they would be spending the whole day downtown in depositions and doing paperwork. Even though Tom was tired, he appreciated the conversation. He had needed so badly to talk to someone but couldn't in the Block. Fuller's questions were easy to answer and it kept him from having to think about everything he had been thinking about too much already. About how pointless and dark things had started to look to him.

By the time they got out of the emergency room it was 2:00 in the morning. Tom got five stitches and found out that he had a concussion. He wasn't exactly surprised as he had to excuse himself twice to puke, each time leaving him shaking and dizzy. Luckily the bathroom was right next to his room otherwise he would have never made it and Fuller and a nurse were both outside each time waiting to help get him back to his room.

The doctor suggested that Tom stay overnight but Tom refused. He was tired of being around people he didn't know and just wanted to go home to his own bed. As the night wore on, Tom could feel himself starting to lose his composure and he didn't want anyone to see that, not strangers and especially not Fuller. Fuller already had his laser vision trained on him and if he lost it Fuller would make him go see the shrink and that was something he did not want to do.

Tom also refused Fuller's offer to call someone. He didn't want to worry anyone in the middle of the night. He also knew that his mom and Jackie would both want the full length novel version of what happened and he was definitely not in any condition to put on his time-tested "mom, I'm great" face or deal with Jackie's tendency to cross examine him. Tomorrow maybe. Not now.

The ride to Hanson's apartment was quiet. As Fuller pulled up outside Hanson's place, he looked over at Tom and said that he had promised the doctor that someone would watch him and wake him up every hour or so to make sure the concussion wasn't getting worse.

Tom looked out the window and saw Doug leaning back on his Harley waiting for them. Tom's mouth formed a slight grateful smile. As Tom opened the car door, Fuller continued, "You need to be downtown by 10am this morning, Hanson. Doug will take you and I'll meet you there." Fuller paused for a second, "Tom, look at me." Tom looked at him and what Fuller saw in his eyes did not make him happy. Fuller had seen that shell-shocked look in him only one other time, when Amy had died. Fuller sighed, "You did a good job, Tom. I'll see you in the morning. Try to get some rest."

"Okay. Thanks." Tom said as he closed the door. Tom noted as he walked up to where Doug was waiting that that his entire vocabulary during the last several hours had been reduced to four words: yes, no, okay and thanks. He wasn't even sure if the words were used appropriately and didn't really care anymore.

As Fuller pulled away and turned the corner, Doug looked him over, "Geez, Hanson. You look like shit." Doug moved Tom's hair out of the way so he could look at the bandage on his head better then put his finger under Hanson's chin and lifted it up so that Tom would look at him, "You okay?"

Hanson nodded his head. Then he stopped and slowly, almost imperceptibly, shook it back and forth. He could feel tears welling up in his eyes and started to panic.

_Shit, shit, shit, don't cry! Just think of something else! Anything else! Sing 'It's a Small World'! _

He heard Doug's screams in his head.

_No! Something else! Doug must have washed his bike, it's shiny! _

He saw Mattie lying dead on the floor.

_He's dead because of my stupidity. No, no, no, no, no. Stop it, stop it, STOP IT!_

Tom pushed the heels of his hands into his eyes and felt Doug grab him and pull him into a tight hug and that was it. He couldn't believe it but he was sobbing and as hard as he tried, couldn't stop. His chest burned from the effort. His head throbbed even worse than it had been if that was possible. He tried to pull away from Doug to try to regain control, but Doug just held him tighter until Tom gave in. The torrent was short but it left him drained. He continued to lean against Doug for a minute before pulling away, wiping his eyes and nose and sheepishly looking up at Doug, "Sorry."

"I'm the one who needs to be sorry. I lost it on you and left you alone in there," Doug said as he held Tom at arms length, his hands on his shoulders.

"No, not your fault," Tom returned. He started to say something else but Doug cut him off.

"We could go on for hours like this but it's too damn cold out here. It took you long enough to get here." They gave each other a little smile then Doug waved his hand in front of his face, "Besides, damn, you stink. Let's go upstairs so you can wash that place off of you and get you some beauty sleep."

"It must be bad if YOU are complaining about body odor," Tom laughed but just then another wave of nausea and dizziness hit him and he leaned over and put his hands on his knees to try to keep the bile down.

"Hey, you okay? Do you need to sit down?" Doug asked worried about how white Tom had just gone.

"Nah, I'm ok," Tom said a few seconds later as the wave passed. He stood up again and started walking towards the door of his building. Doug continued to keep a hold of one of Tom's shoulders as they walked upstairs. Once they got inside Tom's apartment, Doug led him to the couch and Tom sat down.

"You want some water or something?" Doug asked.

"Yeah, thanks", Tom replied as he took his shoes off, pulled his legs up on the couch and curled into a ball. He was still feeling sick and just wanted to close his eyes. Within seconds he was asleep. Doug returned with the water and debated with himself about what to do. Should he wake Tom up? Fuller told him that he needed to make sure the concussion wasn't getting worse but Tom was so exhausted that he needed to sleep. Doug decided to let him sleep for a little while and wake him up in an hour or so to move to the bed. He put the glass of water on the coffee table and went to grab a blanket to cover him.

After wrapping the blanket around him, Doug sat down on the coffee table and watched Tom sleep for a few minutes. He looked a little thinner. He moved the hair from Tom's eyes and saw the dark circles under his eyes. Tom looked different. He still looked like he was sixteen but Doug noticed that there was something older about him. He couldn't quite place it so he just sighed and sat down on the couch next to Tom to think. Doug had never seen Tom cry so openly before. He had seen him swipe a tear or two but that was it. Doug knew from conversations with Tom's mom that Tom had started hiding his emotions after his dad died and Doug appreciated the fact that Tom was more open with him than probably anyone else. Doug's own family had always been so closed off to each other (except for showing anger) and having Tom entrust his doubts, flaws and vulnerabilities with him was something new that Doug cherished deeply. Sure, he had girlfriends but they were different. There were always barriers or ulterior motives involved.

He had learned a lot from Tom about how a real family worked. They watched out for one another. Shared in each others ups and downs. Seamlessly made decisions together, giving or taking a little but never forcing the other to their position. They publicly supported each other no matter what bullshit the other was pulling but privately tried to steer the other in the right direction. The things Doug revered most were the little, possibly unconscious, things Tom did. They could be easily overlooked but they didn't pass by Doug without notice because he had never had someone do those things for him before. Tom would hand over milk or ask Doug to split an apple if he thought Doug was hungry. He would finish a report for Doug if Tom knew he was running late or was just having a shitty day and didn't want to deal with it. He wouldn't say anything, just stick it on the pile like Doug had finished it himself. Tom would kick him under the table and give him an amused look if he thought something was funny and worthy of attention. Tom would even polish Doug's shoes and discretely stick them back in the closet if he knew that Doug had a date because he knew that Doug would never do that for himself.

Doug looked at his watch. Forty-five more minutes until he needed to wake up Tom. He set his watch alarm and leaned back against the couch. He grabbed onto Tom's foot through the blanket, closed his eyes and fell asleep.

End of Chapter 2


	3. Chapter 3

**I decided to continue this. Hopefully, it will not get too drawn out.**

Chapter 3

_Beep, beep, beep._

Doug groaned and opened his eyes. It felt like he had just shut them. He turned off his watch and looked at the time. It was 3:40am, almost fifteen minutes after he had planned to wake up so his alarm must have been going off for awhile. He felt a little sick from waking up in the middle of a sound sleep. He looked over at Tom and noticed that he had not moved at all. He was still curled up with his head against the side of the couch. Doug moved to sit on the coffee table to try to wake him up. He thought if he could get him up long enough to get him into bed that that would be confirmation enough that he was okay and he could let Tom go back to sleep there.

"Hey, Tom, you need to wake up for a couple of minutes, man," Doug said as he rubbed Tom's shoulder. There was no response. "Tom, come on, you need to get up." Doug lightly touched Tom's face rubbing his thumb back and forth over his cheek for a moment to see if he could get a reaction that way. Tom's eyelids flinched a little but that was it. Doug decided that there wasn't going to be a nice way to do this so he took off the blanket covering Tom, grabbed a hold of his arm and pulled him up to a sitting position.

Tom protested by whimpering, "Leave me alone." He sat for a second, held up by Doug, before dropping his head into his hand.

"Tom, I'm sorry man but you need to wake up for just a couple of minutes to make sure your head isn't getting worse. I'll help you to your room and get you in bed and then you can go back to sleep, ok?" Doug bargained.

Tom sat for another few seconds trying to get himself to wake up. His body was protesting though and his eyes were having a hard time staying open. He eventually was able to open them and look around though.

"How many fingers am I holding up?" Doug asked him.

"Penhall, you're flipping me off, you ass," Tom replied.

"Good, you're fine. Come on. You'll be more comfortable in bed," Doug chuckled as he pulled him on his feet. They shuffled to the bedroom and Doug helped Tom under the covers where he immediately fell asleep again. Doug grabbed the blanket off the couch and went back into the bedroom and laid down on the bed on top of the covers next to Tom. He covered himself with the blanket and set his watch alarm again for one hour and fell asleep.

Doug woke Tom a couple more times making him do some stupid thing like switch sides on the bed to see if he could get some snide remark out of him. It worked both times so Doug decided to let Tom sleep the remaining part of the morning undisturbed until they had to get up and go downtown. Doug got up an hour earlier than when he decided to wake up Tom to get some kind of breakfast together and call Fuller to find out exactly where they were going to meet and to complain about not giving Tom more time to recover. Fuller sounded tired and pissed which was never a good thing. Doug learned that word had gotten out the night before that Tom had been able to make several arrests after the riot and that several more arrests and charges were expected. Fuller had been at the Chapel the rest of night answering phones, processing paperwork and trying to contain the fallout that was expected to happen in the juvenile justice department. The public relations department put early press releases together and the group that put Hanson and the rest in the detention center was spending a lot of time calling and congratulating themselves on a job well done. They had also been hounding Fuller to get Hanson downtown earlier so they could get his full statement in time for a noon press conference so Doug's complaints were met with a short-tempered response of, "Penhall, I'm not happy about it either so you just get both your butts down there by 10am," and then a dead phone line as Fuller hung up on him.

After Fuller hung up the phone, he rubbed his face with his hands to try to work out the burgeoning headache he was getting. He was again impressed if not in awe by Hanson's ability to expose a situation so fully. He was an incredibly talented and passionate officer who had relit some of the fire in Fuller that had burned out after working in New York. Hanson also had an innocence about him that was very endearing, especially, Fuller noted, to someone like Penhall who had lost his innocence way too early in life. But, Fuller sometimes worried that Hanson disregarded himself and the politics of police work too much in his drive to have good prevail over evil that someday he would dig himself into a hole so deep that none of them would be able to get him out of it. Hanson had done an amazing job this time and even though he was getting a lot of "your boy did a good job" comments, Fuller could already sense some pressure building against Tom. There were going to be careers and reputations ruined and a young rookie officer who had openly exposed, no matter how unintentionally, a wrinkle in the system instead of discretely writing a report that could be hidden would be the obvious target of any backlash. The phone began to ring again and Fuller sighed and thought, "_well, back to it."_

_End of Chapter 3_


	4. Chapter 4

**This is a long chapter. My computer crashed so I got to rewrite a couple of sections a few times and it may have gotten out of hand. But, hopefully, it makes sense.**

Chapter 4

Penhall and Hanson made it to the room Fuller told them to go to with about two minutes to spare. The sleep that Hanson did get, while not enough, had revitalized him enough that he was able to wake up without feeling sick (although the headache remained), get cleaned up, eat and get out of the apartment with few complaints. It helped to have Penhall there mothering him the entire time although by the time they were ready to leave and Doug tried to help him get his coat on it started to become intolerable and Tom growled at him and slapped his hand away. He immediately regretted it though and apologized.

"Yeah, yeah," Doug smirked as he gave Tom a small peck on his forehead, "It's good to see that the bump on your head hasn't changed your sweet disposition."

When they walked into the room, Doug noted that it wasn't like the normal dark interrogation rooms that they were used to using. It was a large conference room that included several people that he didn't recognize. He looked around the room and stopped when he saw Fuller's somber expression. _Shit_

Introductions were made. There were the two captains who had sent them into the detention center, an assistant district attorney and her assistant, a detective from Internal Affairs, the Chief of Staff of the department, a representative from public relations, Fuller and a court reporter. Doug looked at Tom then and saw that he looked like he was going to be sick. It would have been bad enough to have to go through a difficult experience with one or two lawyers but to have several people with conflicting agendas interrogating you would be nearly unbearable. Doug asked one person to move so he could sit next to Tom and then looked around the room again. He noticed that Fuller sat directly across from Tom so that he would have a trusted person to focus on if he needed one. Good ol' Fuller. He may have been a hard ass but Doug would not have wanted to work for anyone else.

The Chief of Staff started, "Now, before we get started, I want to make sure you understand that our first priority at this point is to try to control some of the media frenzy that has started. Since this morning, the department has already received negative press about our handling of the situation in juvenile detention so it's very important that we set the record straight that any problems were minor and due to the actions of only a few individuals. I want to make it clear that what happened last night was not a reflection of our juvenile division."

Tom looked at him dismayed, "But..."

"We need to get an official statement out by noon that states what I just said along with the number of juveniles who will be charged for the murder and movement of drugs that Officer Hanson was sent to investigate." He stopped and glared at Hanson, "Whatever other allegations Officer Hanson ends up making will be dealt with internally. Does everyone in this room understand that? Officer Hanson, do you understand that?"

Hanson looked at him with his mouth agape. _Allegations? Ends up making? What the hell was going on? Those kids in there are not being rehabilitated. We are turning them into criminals and this yahoo just wants to sweep that under the rug?_ Tom looked at the two captains who had started the investigation and they had their heads down trying to remove themselves from any connection that they had with the situation. _Oh, that's just dandy._ They obviously were going to be of no help so Tom tried again, "But..."

This time, an angry Fuller cut him off, "Yes, sir, he understands. We will finish a draft statement for the press with your concerns in mind. Let's just get started with the interview so we understand what happened and don't have to jump to conclusions about how we should be handling the situation." The room became silent for a moment. Tom and Doug were a little relieved that Fuller took charge but the others in the room were not accustomed to Fuller's temper so didn't know how to react to it.

Finally, the assistant DA cleared her throat to get everyone's attention, "You're right, Captain Fuller. Let's get started." She smiled at Hanson before continuing, "It is in everyone's interest to get a complete and accurate record of your case, Officer Hanson. I understand that you are recovering from a concussion and I know these interviews can be tedious so if you need a break or anything else, please tell me, ok?"

Tom was still wary about what had just happened so all that came out of his mouth was an uncertain sounding, "Okay."

The DA smiled again before asking the court reporter to start recording. "Officer Hanson, will you please state your full name, rank and badge number for the record?"…

The next five hours went by in a blur. Tom went through everything from when they first arrived at the juvenile detention center to when he and Fuller left it. He had to stop several times when he didn't quite know how to continue. Something that he wasn't quite ready to or didn't know how to share would hit him and he would stop and look imploringly at Fuller. Fuller would give him a second and then ask is he needed a break. Usually that was all he needed to get over the hump but he did have to stop a few times to regather himself. The first time was when the DA asked both him and Doug about how they had gotten separated. Tom stared at Fuller not knowing what to say.

"Um, could we take a break?" Doug asked at this point. "I need to talk to my partner." The group agreed to a half an hour break so Doug grabbed a hold of Tom's arm and led him out of the room. They wandered outside to a small break area and sat down.

"This sucks," Tom said looking through the brick wall that surrounded the break area.

Doug stared through the wall as well and took a deep breath, "Tom, I need to give you an explanation about what happened."

"No, you don't."

"Yeah, I do. What happened was all my bullshit. You kept me sane for awhile but you couldn't have stopped it, you know that, right?"

Tom looked over at Doug, "Yeah"

"No, I mean it," Doug took another deep breath and let it out slowly before continuing. "When I was little, I was afraid of the dark. Not like 'wet your pants' scared, just didn't like it so much. One night, I woke up and heard a funny noise and thought there was a monster hiding in the hallway closet. I thought it was going to get me so I ran to my dad's room. It was a mistake. He was drunk and thought it would be funny to lock me up with the monster. He threw me into the closet and locked the door." Doug looked over at Tom and saw a flicker of pure fury in his eyes. He knew it wasn't directed at him so he continued, "It was pitch dark and the coats and shoes kept falling in on me. I thought it was the monster. I screamed and begged for my dad to let me out but he didn't come back. After awhile, it got really hot and stuffy in the closet. There was no air and I thought I was going to die. At one point I thought I did die, not from the monster but by not being able to breathe. I was so terrified but my dad didn't let me out until sometime the next day when he was leaving the house. I'm pretty sure that he had forgotten that I was even in there. Anyway, I thought I was over it but I guess not. I'm sorry you had to put up with all that from me and then have to deal with it by yourself."

"Your dad did some crappy things when he was drunk."

"Kinda," Doug smiled. This was why Doug could share this stuff with him. Tom never attacked Doug's father personally, only his actions. He never called Doug's father a bad person like others would have making Doug feel like he had betrayed his father. Tom would make a little comment like he had just made and then that was it. He didn't dwell on it or make Doug feel like a victim or a ticking time bomb like other people tended to do.

"So, do you remember what happened….in, um, there?" Tom asked.

"I lost it. You heard me right?"

Tom's chest started to feel constricted, "Yeah. I'm sorry. I didn't know what to do. I should have gotten you out somehow after the first night."

"Like I said, it was my bullshit. There was no way you were going to convince me to bail after one day. And, you couldn't have done anything to stop me once I started freaking out. By that point, I probably would have tried to kill anyone who came anywhere near me." Doug saw that Tom was staring through the wall again. "Anyway, I now get to see your good Dr. Enlow once a week for at least the next month. And, after we get through today, I have a feeling that Fuller is going to make sure that you get the pleasure of seeing him again too."

"You didn't tell him about last night after he dropped me off, did you?" Tom's eyes were wide with horror.

"No, man, but I told Fuller what happened in…there… and we're going to have to tell the lynching committee the same thing in a few minutes."

"Yeah….shit," Tom chewed on his bottom lip and thought for a minute about what he was going to say and still didn't know. Doug's mention of Dr. Enlow didn't help either. Tom could feel saliva building up in his throat as he started to become nauseous again. He had seen the shrink a total of 23 times after Amy was killed and hated every single minute of it. In the end, it helped. It helped a lot but the thought of having to go again made his stomach churn. The doctor had made him relive Amy's shooting over and over again. He made him go through each and every scenario that Tom had come up with about how he could have stopped her from being killed and then go through every little detail about what was wrong with each scenario until he finally started to believe that her death wasn't his fault.

Doug realized that he had mistakenly made Tom think about Amy when he looked over and saw that Tom's face had gone ghastly white, "Oh, shit. I'm an idiot. I'm sorry. Are you sick? Do you need to puke?"

Tom swallowed hard and dropped his head into his hands. He suddenly became aware of the sweat starting to seep through his shirt, "No, I just need a minute."

"You know, we could pull a McQuaid," Doug grinned trying anything to get Tom out of his current train of thought. "Remember over at County?"

Tom smiled. After Doug had accidentally shot Tom, they had gone to see the county shrink and unknowingly ended up talking to one of the patients instead. They had run out of the office so fast that they had forgotten that they still needed approval from the shrink in order to return to full work. After Fuller had stopped crying from laughing so hard, he told them that they had to go back and get signed out by the real doctor. They begrudgingly agreed but decided that payback was in order. They spent the whole session bantering back and forth like they were the McQuaid brothers until the doctor finally got fed up and signed them out just to get rid of them. As they walked out of his office, they heard him mutter, "God, help us." That one statement had made it all worthwhile.

"I don't know if Dr. Enlow would appreciate the McQuaid brothers as much as Dr. Fernbaum did." They both laughed for a moment before Tom became serious again and looked at Doug. "Are you going to be okay? I mean, with all this?" He stopped not really knowing what he was trying to say. "It's just….I love you. I don't like it when you are hurt or upset." Doug threw him a funny look, "Geez, Doug, would you get your mind out of the gutter. You know what I mean."

"Sorry, I just had a vision of you in curlers and a mud mask."

Tom scrunched up his nose, "What? Real nice, Douglas. I don't even know what a mud mask looks like. How am I supposed to get that out of my head now?"

Doug couldn't help but laugh, "Look, I'll be fine. I'm already able to take a piss without having to keep the bathroom door wide open." Tom didn't look convinced. "We need to get back. I'll tell them what happened, okay? You're going to have to do the rest of the interview anyway."

The rest of the day dragged on with question after question. Doug felt guilty and angry with himself again for not being there once he heard how Mattie tried to attack Tom and how Tom had ended up back in solitaire again. He saw Tom struggle through explaining what he saw and heard about the drugs, extortion, bribery, prostitution, rape and murder that was happening to and around the kids in the detention center. Tom was drilled over and over on what the "Hammer" meant, why he had thrown it out and how it had caused the riot.

Every time Tom would bring up how the administration was participating and encouraging the "Hammer System" as it quickly became known as, the Chief of Staff would try to cut him off and steer him into less dangerous territory. The assistant DA became so annoyed towards the end that she politely asked him to leave but he flat out refused stating some lame reason why he was required to be there. Then, just to spite the attorney, he asked Hanson whether he agreed that he had caused Mattie's death by recklessly throwing out the hammer. Fuller, who had remained stoic through most of the day, blew up.

"DON'T YOU DARE try to place the blame for all this on my officer! No one should have had any 'hammer' to begin with and that is the whole point! That blame lies on the people who were running that facility, not the juveniles and certainly not the officer who was put in there to investigate the place. Officer Hanson did exactly what he was assigned to do."

"Don't speak to me that way, Captain Fuller," the Chief of Staff growled through clinched teeth. "I am your superior and you will treat me as such."

"I'll give you superior…."

"Captain Fuller," the detective from Internal Affairs spoke up trying to defuse the situation, "No was is accusing Officer Hanson of anything. We are simply trying to determine the factors that played a role in the situation that we are discussing today."

"It sounds to me like you are looking for a scapegoat to get your own asses out of trouble."

"That's enough," the assistant DA stated forcefully so that everyone would stop posturing and listen. "We need to finish this interview. Officer Hanson is ill and needs to be let go for the day. All we have left to do is compile the list of arrests and charges that will be filed and then we can let him go. Let's please try to get through that."

Everyone looked at Tom. He was visibly exhausted and in a lot of pain. His headache had been getting steadily worse throughout the day and when they had started yelling at each other, he felt like his head was going to split in two. His eyes were tightly closed and he was pushing his fingers into his temples and his eyes trying to abate the throbbing in his head. Doug, who had been paying attention to the drama that was unfolding around him instead of Tom panicked when he realized that he had missed this, "Hanson!" He started to massage the back of Tom's neck hoping that would help, "Do you need a break, man?"

All Tom could think about was how much he just wanted to be out of there. He longed for his bed and sleep but he knew he wasn't going to get either one until they were done. In addition, something else kept nagging at him so he let out a strangled, "No."

"We're almost done, Tom," the DA continued. "I have a partial list from the arrests of the administrators that you and Captain Fuller made last night. We can start with that and add to the list? If there are any, ah, areas that need discussion, we can do that outside this meeting, okay?"

"No."

The DA looked at him confused, "No what, Tom?"

"No, I'm not going to make any more charges."

"Excuse me?" The Chief of Staff sputtered. "What did you just say?"

Tom pressed his eyes a little harder before removing his fingers and opening his eyes. He could see white spots in his vision. He blinked until they faded away and looked directly at the Chief of Staff, "I said, no. I'm not going to make or support any charges against the juveniles. I won't….I can't. I told you what happened. The kids who are put in there are being taught that the only way they can get ahead, to get any control of their lives is through fear and violence or escaping those things with drugs. We're creating criminals. Sure, some of the kids go in as hard criminals but most of them are in there for minor offenses. They're not bad kids. They're just trying to figure out how to survive. It's the adults, the people who they are supposed to be able to trust and look up to in order to help them get out of all the crap that had been thrown at them in their lives and help them to move in the right direction who are letting them be extorted, beaten, raped and murdered over some stupid imaginary power that the adults created to make their own lives easier. That place creates fear, hate and hopelessness. How can I possibly live with knowing that when I arrest a kid, that is where they could end up? I'm not going to do it." At this point, Tom's diatribe lost it's steam. He lowered his head into his hands and added quietly, almost as a whisper, "I just, I can't do it. I can't."

No one dared to say a word after what Tom said. The room remained quiet, the only audible sound being Tom's labored breathing. After a minute, Doug gently put his arms around Tom and pulled him to his feet. He walked him to and out the door leaving the rest of the room's occupants to ponder what the young officer had just told them.

End of Chapter 4


	5. Chapter 5

**The next chapter. It's kind of a filler chapter but I felt I needed it (as well as the next one to come) so other things could occur.**

**Chapter 5**

As Doug walked Tom out of the conference room, Tom broke into a cold sweat. His head was still pounding fiercely and a wave of nausea hit him hard, "Doug," he swallowed, "I'm going to be sick."

Doug wrapped his arm around Tom's waist and steered him towards the men's bathroom, "The bathroom's right over here. Hang on."

They just made it into a bathroom stall before Tom started to wretch, completely emptying his stomach. He continued to dry heave until exhaustion took over and finally stopped his stomach from constricting. Tom wiped his mouth and leaned his head against the wall. He was shaking, his head was pounding to the point where it hurt to open his eyes and whenever he tried, the world around him swirled and made bile start to gather in his throat again. His arms felt like lead so he just dropped them to his sides. He let his eyelids fall and felt himself start to drift.

"Hanson! Tom! No! Stay awake! Come on, open your eyes man!" Tom could hear Doug frantically calling him. He felt Doug tapping his cheek and shaking his shoulders but he didn't move. He just wanted to sleep. "Hanson, if you don't wake up, I'm going to call an ambulance!" That did it. He forced his eyes open. "Jesus Christ, Tom, don't scare me like that!"

Tom sat silently for a moment trying to focus, "I'm tired. I don't feel so great."

"No shit, Sherlock. Stay awake, ok? Just sit for a few minutes and see if that helps," Doug put a hand on each of Tom's cheeks and looked at him, "I need to get some help. You still might need an ambulance or at least you need to see the department medic."

"No, I want to go home."

"I know but I'm worried about your concussion. You passed out or almost passed out. I need to find out what's wrong. Just sit. I'll be right back." With that, Doug ran out of the bathroom. Tom pulled his legs up to his chest and lowered his head onto them. After a couple of minutes, the vertigo subsided but he was still shaking and felt weak. He slid up the wall to a standing position and stood there until he felt stable enough to move. He walked to the sink and started to wash the sweat off his face when Doug rushed back in with Fuller and the assistant DA following him.

Fuller looked at him, his eyebrows furrowing with concern, "Hanson, the department medic will be here in a couple of minutes. You should sit down."

"I'm fine. I just got a little sick."

"Tom….." Fuller started to argue but just then the medic walked in along with the detective from internal affairs and a uniformed officer.

"Is there someone here who needs attention? A concussion?" the medic looked around the room then immediately walked to Hanson without waiting for an answer, "What happened?"

Doug explained to the medic about the concussion and how he had gotten sick and passed out. The medic asked Tom to sit down and then proceeded to check him over. He looked in his eyes with a penlight, asked several questions about his name, where he was and what his symptoms were. He then asked him to do a few things to check his coordination and reflexes. The whole time the medic was fussing over him Tom was acutely aware of the people in the room watching him. He hated being weak in front of anyone and wondered if the nightmare he was in would ever end.

After finishing checking the stitches on Tom's head, the medic sat back on his heels, "Well, the good news is that you're not showing any signs of trauma beyond what's expected from a concussion. Your pupils are equal and your coherent and responsive. But, recovering from a concussion takes time. You've had a traumatic brain injury. You can't just jump back into work and spend all day being deposed and expect to be fine. You should be resting and avoiding anything strenuous at least for the next few days or until the symptoms go away. I'm sure the personnel at the emergency room told you all this." He stopped and sighed. "It might be better for you to be in the hospital right now until some of the more serious symptoms subside."

Tom's head shot up, "No, I'm okay."

The medic smirked at him, "I figured that would be the answer I would get. As long as someone who knows what signs to look for is with you and is comfortable watching you, I'm okay with you going home," the medic looked up, noted Doug nodding at him then looked back at Tom, "But if this happens when you're at home and actually resting, you need to get your butt to the emergency room, understand?" Tom nodded his head. "Do you think you can stand?" Tom nodded again and the medic helped him to his feet. The medic held onto his arm and watched him to make sure that he was stable.

"I'm okay, thanks," Tom said, not quite meeting the medic's eyes with his. He didn't really know where to look. He felt so many eyes on him that he wanted to disappear.

Doug and Fuller moved forward and thanked the medic before they each grabbed onto one of Tom's arms. Tom kept his eyes down as the three of them walked out of the station. After getting Tom into the passenger seat and telling Fuller that he'd call later to check in, Doug got in and started the car. He looked over at Tom and felt his heart break. Tom had his head leaning back against the seat but his eyes were open and shimmering from the tears that were gathering there.

"Tom…."

"Can we please just go?"

"Yeah," and without another word, Doug drove out and away from the station.

End of Chapter 5


	6. Chapter 6

**I felt the need to bring Jackie into the picture at some point so she's in this chapter. She was portrayed in the show as the Hollywood stereotypical 1980's career woman, complete with big glasses, pouffy hair and overbearing personality. I prefer to believe that she was actually a woman with a soft side and not an narcissistic man in a dress. I liked Jackie much more than Linda, Tom's supposed true love, who expected other people to take care of her, cheated on her husband (I know, with Tom, but still) and whined when people didn't give her what she wanted ("Gavin, what about my art gallery? I asked you for that."). Yuck.**

**Reviews are much appreciated! **

**Chapter 6**

Tom slowly became aware of a gentle hand brushing the hair out of his face. He opened his eyes to see who it was.

"Hey there, gorgeous. That's quite a bump on your head. I heard you've had a hell of a day."

Tom smiled and pulled Jackie onto the bed with him. He wrapped his arms around her, let out a contented sigh and closed his eyes.

A while later, he had no idea how much later, he woke again to soft kisses on his forehead and eyelids. He opened his eyes to see that Jackie was still in his arms and smiled, "Hey."

"Hey yourself, Officer Hanson. Penhall wants us to get up so we can eat some chicken noodle soup and grilled cheese. What happened to him? He's acting like my mother."

"Sorry, I think I freaked him out today. What time is it?"

"Around 9pm. He's worried that you're not eating. You need to make him happy otherwise I don't think he'll let us be alone tonight. As much as I love the big goon, it was a little disconcerting waking up to him hovering over us holding a soup ladle."

Tom snickered then snuggled into her neck. He breathed in deeply to smell her. He didn't realize how good it would be to have Jackie back in his arms until she was there. After exchanging a few slow, sweet kisses, they both made it out of bed to find the cook.

At first, Tom thought he felt okay. He tried to eat a little but soon he started to feel tired and sick again. He ate a few spoonfuls then set the spoon down and just sat there half listening to Doug and Jackie talk. They must have agreed to not discuss what had happened because they were exchanging commentaries about something related to football.

After a particularly heated back and forth about who was going to trade whom, Jackie noticed that Tom had stopped eating and was staring off into space, "You okay, babe?"

"Yeah, I'm just tired. Would it be okay if I went back to bed?"

Doug looked over and saw that Tom looked pale again, this time with almost a tinge of green, "Sure, buddy. You get a gold star for trying to eat." Tom glanced at Jackie whose eyes went wide as she mouthed "my mother!" to him. He smiled a little sideways grin and Doug looked back and forth between them confused before continuing, "I already ate a lot earlier so I'll help you back to bed while Jackie finishes."

Tom thought about arguing that he wasn't a total invalid and didn't need help getting to bed but decided against it. Doug seemed antsy to talk to him. He kept bending the handle of his spoon back and forth and bouncing his knee with nervous energy. Jackie must have sensed it too because she gingerly removed the injured spoon from his hands and placed it on the table, "I'll clean up while you two talk. Thanks for dinner, Doug."

Doug followed Tom into the bedroom and helped with the covers as he got into bed. Tom laid on his side and moved over far enough on the bed so Doug could sit down next to him. He closed his eyes for a minute and already started to feel a bit better.

"Jackie wants to kick me out for the night. Is that alright?"

"Yeah, Doug, you need a break. Besides, I'm sure Dorothy is worried and lonely. You should go home."

"Jackie has to be in court early tomorrow morning so I'll be back then." Doug was still fidgety and needed something to do so he took some of Tom's fingers in his hands and started to absentmindedly play with them. He was concerned about leaving even though he knew that Jackie adored Tom and would take good care of him. He was also worried about how Tom would react to the next thing he had to tell him, "I talked to Fuller. The group from today met again after we left. They decided that they have enough from your statement that they can decide themselves what charges to make so they shouldn't need you back for a couple of days."

Tom's eyes opened wide and he lifted his head from the pillow, "WHAT? NO!"

Doug rushed ahead, "Fuller said the assistant DA seems to be on your side so that's good." Tom pinched his eyes closed as his seemingly everlasting headache started to pick up in intensity again. "Tom, there's nothing you can do about it right now. You just need to concentrate on getting better. Fuller promised that he would keep us in the loop as to what's going on."

"Doug, you heard the chief of staff today. He's going to place all the blame on the kids. What chance are they going to have after that? They're going to end up in that place longer or even worse be sent off to prison and nothing will change. I wasn't kidding. I can't do this anymore if that's where the kids we arrest end up." Tom could feel tears filling his eyes again and covered his eyes with his free hand, "Doug, it's my fault that the riot happened and Mattie died. I'm the one who threw out the hammer."

Doug laid down on the bed and moved Tom's hand away from his eyes so he would look at him, "It is not your fault. They shouldn't have had the stupid thing to begin with."

"But I should have known what would happen. Mattie even told me that if I gave it up, the block would turn into chaos. Doug, I hated having it. But, I was so stupid to think that if I gave it up that the people in charge of that place would have to do something different."

Doug knew from being with Tom day-in and day-out for so long that trying to convince him that the whole situation wasn't his responsibility would be next to impossible. It would take more than him telling Tom but he still tried, "Hanson, those jerks knew better than you what would happen and they didn't do anything to try to stop it. Who knows how many kids they let be hurt or killed over their stupid hammer. You did what you needed to do to try to stop it." He paused to wipe away some of Tom's tears that were escaping his eyes. "Look, you told the people that were in that room today that you wouldn't support any charges. They know that's the right thing to do even if they don't have the kahoonas to say it."

Doug stopped at this point to wait for some kind of reply but Tom didn't say anything and did what he could to avoid looking into Doug's eyes. His tears had ceased so they just laid there silently for a couple of minutes. When it was clear that Doug wasn't going to be happy until Tom talked to him, Tom latched on to another thing that was bothering him, "I'm sorry that I pulled you into all of this crap of mine again. I don't know why I've turned into a sniveling baby. You don't have to put up with it."

Doug snorted in disbelief, "Hanson, that deposition today was the grand finale of a couple of really shitty weeks. It's all catching up with you and that lump on your noggin isn't doing you any good either. And, talk about pulling someone into crap. You wouldn't even have been in there alone or had the hammer if I hadn't freaked out over something that happened like 20 years ago." He paused and attempted to brighten his face, "Let's both try not to think about it right now, okay? You have a beautiful lady in the living room ready to wait on you hand and foot all night tonight and I have, well, Dorothy. And, even better, Fuller gave me time off so I can stay with you. We can lay around, eat hot dogs and watch cartoons and bowling tournaments all day. What could be better?"

Tom let out a noise that sounded like a half sniffle, half laugh, "Go home, Doug. Tell Dorothy thank you for letting me borrow you for so long."

"Alright, get some rest. If you start to feel worse, tell Jackie, ok?" Doug wiped Tom's face again and got up from the bed. He wrapped the blankets tighter around him and leaned down to look at him, "I'll see you in the morning. No hanky-panky tonight, got it?"

Tom grinned, "You ARE turning into Jackie's mother. Your scaring me, Penhall. Go home."

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Tom spent the next couple of days recovering. He spent most of the time sleeping but when he wasn't doing that, he was hanging out on the couch listening more than watching TV or letting Jackie and Doug try to entertain him. As much as he tried not to think about it, his mind kept going back to the lockup and everything that had happened. Doug would notice his expression darken and his eyes lose their luster and would try to snap him out of it by telling a stupid joke or by farting loudly causing Tom to throw a pillow at him and tell him to leave the room.

Even though they were both craving to know what was going on downtown, they weren't getting a lot of information. The little bit that the news reports did have didn't include anything beyond saying that the police were investigating and that any charges couldn't be disclosed at that time. They tried to get more information from Fuller but all that he was able to tell them was that there were a lot of high level, closed door meetings going on that he wasn't invited to. Fuller wanted to reassure Hanson that his job wasn't in jeopardy and that he wouldn't be held accountable for what happened but he himself didn't know that for sure so he kept his updates to the two of them short and to the point.

By the end of the second day, Tom was feeling better. Not quite 100% but better. He was able to move around without feeling sick or overly emotional and he didn't feel like he wanted to sleep all the time. Doug was also able to get some genuine laughs from him and have some typical McQuaid conversations that would have annoyed anyone if they would have been close enough to hear them. They were in the middle of one of these as they played a game of Clue. Doug was ranting about the weapons saying that they should just look at Mr. Boddy to determine what weapon was used and it was annoying Tom so much that he decided to just get rid of the offending weapons. He was in the process of throwing the rope and knife pieces and cards in the box (leaving only items that could be used as blunt force weapons) when the phone rang. Doug jumped up to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Penhall, it's Fuller. How's Hanson?"

"Better. What's up?"

"Internal affairs and the district attorney want to see him in the morning at 9:30. Can you get him there?"

"Let me see," he covered the phone receiver with his hand and asked. He got a slight nod in response. "Yes, sir, do you know what's going on?"

"I can't really say. Come in at 9:00 so we can talk a little ourselves before having to meet the rest. I'll see you in the morning in the same room as we were in the other day."

After Doug hung up the phone, he returned to the couch. Tom was staring at the TV where an old Rocky and Bullwinkle cartoon was playing but Doug could tell that he wasn't watching it, "Are you going to be okay with this?"

Tom shrugged his shoulders and looked down at his hands, "I guess I'm going to have to be. You don't have to go with you know. You really should keep away as much as you can."

"Nice try, Hanson. That's not what partners do."

Tom didn't respond. He was still looking down but Doug could see his mouth form into a small smile.

They spent the rest of the evening discussing their theories about what was happening and how they'd handle various scenarios. Tom was nervous. Now that he had a date and time that he needed to go back, questions and doubts started to bombard him. He didn't know what he'd do if they decided to charge the juveniles or hide what was going on in the lockup. Would he hand in his badge? Would he be reprimanded or charged with something or would they outright fire him? What would he do if he left the force? After his dad had died, it was all he had wanted to do and anything beyond that was a scary, empty slate to him. Overall, he wondered how he was going to be able to live with himself whatever happened. The only thing that kept Tom from the panic that was trying to creep on on him was Doug. He talked about everything as "we" instead of "you" which gave Tom confidence that he wasn't going to be alone the next day.

End of chapter 6!


	7. Chapter 7

**This is a short chapter. I'm a little unclear about what's going to happen next so I thought I would post this. :-) This story is in great need of a new title. I started this thinking it would only be a couple of chapters but it's taken on a life of its own and moved way beyond what I would call filler scenes. I have no idea what the ramifications are of changing a title though. By the way, I went back and made minor typo corrections in the old chapters. I still probably missed some. My apologies.**

**I love reviews! :-)**

**Chapter 7**

Fuller was already waiting for them when Tom and Doug arrived at the conference room. He was standing near a window looking out and turned around when they walked in the room. He looked worn down and worried.

"Hanson, how are you feeling?"

Tom gave his tried and true automatic response, "pretty good."

Fuller took a second to look him over. He looked worlds better than he had a few days ago but still not like the Hanson he knew. He motioned across the room, "You remember Police Chief Sanders?" They both looked over to where Fuller was pointing. Tom looked down turning a bit whiter and Doug stood dumbfounded.

Sanders moved forward to shake hands, "Officer Penhall." Then, turning to Tom, "Tommy." Doug's head shot in Tom's direction. _Tommy?_ "I asked Captain Fuller to bring you in a little early so we could talk. Captain Fuller, Officer Penhall, will you please step out for a few minutes? I would like to speak with Tommy alone."

Doug moved to make an argument to stay in the room but Fuller pursed his lips and shook his head at him and motioned for him to leave. Fuller then followed him out the door closing the door quietly behind them.

Sanders motioned to a chair, "Sit down." Tom sat down while Sanders took a seat across from him. Tom folded his hands in front of him and sat quietly ready to listen.

"How's your mom?" Sanders inquired.

"Pretty good."

Sanders leaned back in his chair to survey Tom. He then sat forward and folded his hands on the table, "Tommy, you've got us in quite a situation here. I have my chief of staff pushing me to give a reprimand or worse to you for insubordination and I have the district attorney breathing down my neck to do a full investigation of the entire juvenile detention system. So, what do I do? Do I trust the recommendation of my advisor and take what you said in your deposition as simply a threat from an upset individual who may not have been thinking clearly? Or, do I follow the district attorney's recommendation and open up an entire branch of the justice system to investigation based on what you said?"

Tom didn't know what to say so he just looked Sanders in the eye and waited for him to continue.

"Tommy, I've known you for longer than you can remember. You're a smart kid but sometimes your heart gets way ahead of your head. Is this one of those times?"

Tom started to get angry. Sanders was treating him like a child. "No, sir. I'm standing by what I said. What was going on in there is wrong."

"You'll stand by your statements even if that means losing your job? If I agree to open an investigation and no wrongdoing on the part of the operation of the center is found, you will lose your badge and be charged with making false accusations. Both your career and your reputation will be ruined. How far are you willing to take this?"

"Sir, I'm not wrong. I'm not going to just stand by when I know what's happening to the kids who are in our care. And, I won't support anything that tries to pin everything on them," Tom was pissed. He breathed in deeply to try to control his anger and then spat, "If you want my badge, why don't you just take it?"

"Tommy, don't ever offer up your badge. Someone might just take it," Sanders shook his head and sighed as he leaned back in his chair again, "You know, your dad would have just followed the chief of staff's orders."

Tom felt his face burn and his chest constrict. Sanders may have known his family since he was a baby but how dare he judge his dad like that. He glared at him, "How would you know?"

"I worked with him for 15 years. Tell me, how would YOU know?"

Tom blinked. He was completely taken aback by the question.

"Look, Tommy, your dad had a healthy interest in self-preservation that you sometimes lack. It was something that worried your dad. You can get so focused on something that you lose sight of the big picture and the possible consequences of your decisions. I don't want to spend potentially hundreds of thousands of taxpayers' money and ruin careers, including yours, if this is a mistake. In other words, this is your chance to pull out. You were suffering from a concussion and a stressful situation. I can retract your deposition based on that. I've already spoken with Captain Fuller about this. He will fully support you if you decide to amend your statement," Tom moved to speak but was stopped; "or if you decide to decide to stand by it. Tommy, don't respond right away. I want you to think about what I said for a couple of minutes. I'd like to give you more time but I can't." Sanders looked at him for a moment then got up from his chair and walked to the window to give Tom some time and space.

Tom's mind was reeling with what Sanders just revealed to him. He remembered his dad sometimes good-naturedly saying to him, "Hey, hold your horses there, sport!" if Tom was barreling down one direction but he never would have thought that it was something that worried his dad so much that he shared those thoughts with others. He felt a little betrayed but what blew him away was Sanders' belief that his dad wouldn't have taken a stand against something that he knew was wrong. He thought back to when he was a kid. His dad had always talked about the police force in a positive light. There was the occasional annoyance but as far as Tom knew, right and wrong were always clear and what was right prevailed most of the time. What Tom had witnessed in the past couple of weeks was so contrary to that that doubts started to creep up on him again and he felt his world crumble a little bit more.

Tom shook his head to try to clear it. He squeezed his eyes shut and lowered his head into his hands. He told himself that this was not about his dad and tried to focus on the question at hand. Was he wrong? Did what he witness merely reflect the way things were supposed to operate to try to scare the kids to get them back on track and he was just blowing it way out of proportion? He and Doug had gone through so many scenarios the night before but he was not prepared to have his flaws so clearly laid out before him and they troubled him. Did the people he grew up with not trust his judgement? Did Fuller and Penhall? Should they? But then his thoughts turned back to the terror, anger and hopelessness that he saw in each of the kids' eyes in the lockup. To the drugs that were so readily available to them that would end up destroying them completely. To the lack of protection and compassion from the adults who were supposed to be helping them. Tom looked up at Sanders, "I realize what you're trying to do for me right now but I'm not backing away. I'm standing by my statement and will do whatever I can to make sure that the kids don't get railroaded more than they already have been. What has been happening in there can't continue."

Sanders looked at him and saw the resolution on his face, "Okay. Stay here while I get the others." Sanders walked to the door, squeezing Tom's shoulder as he passed and leaving him alone with all of his thoughts swirling through his head.

End of Chapter 7


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry this took a bit of time. It took me awhile to get it how I wanted it. I expect one more chapter and this baby will be done! Are the changes in points-of-view confusing? I read that brain hopping is bad so I tried to clean that up a bit in this chapter but some sentences seem a bit choppier to me now. It's my second story and I have no clue what I'm doing so I appreciate input and love reviews!**

**Chapter 8**

Penhall and Fuller waited anxiously outside the conference room while Chief Sanders and Hanson were talking. Penhall pressed Fuller about what was going on but Fuller only told him that Sanders wanted to talk to Hanson alone and that they'd just have to wait. Penhall was pacing in the hallway and tapping his fingers against his leg to try to keep his nerves under control when Sanders emerged from the room. His face didn't give away anything.

"Captain, will you please come with me to get the others? Penhall, wait with Hanson until we return."

Penhall walked into the room and saw Hanson sitting at the conference table, the morning sun shining across the table in front of him. He was playing with a note pad that had been laying on the table and staring at it as he flipped through the empty pages. Tom didn't acknowledge Doug when he entered which meant that he knew exactly who had come in the room. Doug quietly walked up to the table and sat down next to Tom, turning the chair so he faced him.

"What happened?"

Tom shrugged his shoulders and continued to flip through the note pad, "He asked if I wanted to change my statement."

"Why?"

Tom shrugged his shoulders again but didn't respond.

"What did you say?"

"No."

"So, now what?"

"I don' t know."

Doug exhaled loudly. He didn't know what else to say. Tom was acting distant and short with him. He hated it when Tom was like this but Doug knew these moods were short-lived if he stayed near him long enough so he decided to wait it out. He squeezed the back of Tom's neck briefly then turned his chair and imitated Tom's posture.

They sat silently for a couple of minutes. Tom mind was still careening from the conversation with Sanders. He felt shame, not for standing his ground but for why Sanders felt he had to talk to him in the first place and it made him want to crawl into a hole. He wanted to withdraw from Doug but the longer they sat there, the more Tom realized that Doug deserved more. Feeling regret, he looked up at Doug, "I'm sorry for being a prick. Sanders wanted…," but stopped when he saw the door open and Fuller enter with several people filing in behind him. Doug looked up as well to see the group of serious faces enter. It was like a jury coming to make judgement on the accused. Tom took a deep breath to calm his nerves and told himself that this could be no worse than having a gun shoved in your face although it sure felt worse. He stood up and introduced himself to the people he didn't know and Doug followed suit. In addition to the assistant district attorney, detective from internal affairs, and the chief of staff from the deposition, the district attorney and the director of juvenile detention were also there. After introductions, Tom sat and resumed staring at the pad of paper.

Chief Sanders was the last person to enter and he closed the door behind him and found an empty seat. The room was deathly quiet except for the assistant DA shuffling some papers. Sanders took his reading glasses out of his pocket and started to clean them. He didn't do it because they were necessarily dirty, he just wanted a minute to think. He looked at Tommy. He seemed lost and Sanders felt a pang of guilt for pushing him so hard and especially for bringing up his father. Tommy tried so hard to live up to his superhero version of his dad that Sanders feared that Tommy had lost sight of himself. After Tom Sr. died, no-one knew what to do for or say to the grieving only son who had suddenly lost his father, hero and best friend and in turn gained a nonfunctioning mother so everyone just shot at Tommy seemingly harmless sound bites such as "make your dad proud" or "your dad was a great cop, don't let him down." They had no idea how much Tommy would take these little snippets to heart and build up such high expectations for himself that really no-one could have lived up to. The incredibly sweet and compassionate Tommy Hanson that Sanders knew was obviously still sitting right in front of him fighting everyone in order to help the inmates in the detention center but he was giving too much of himself. Sanders sighed. That problem would not be one to tackle today.

Sanders put his glasses on and glanced around the room, "I trust that everyone has met each other?" Seeing no objections, he continued, "okay, let's get started."

The district attorney began, "Officer Hanson, since you didn't get an opportunity to sign an affidavit of your deposition the other day, are you ready to sign it today?"

Tom looked directly at him, "Yes."

"Do you have any amendments that you would like to make to your statement?"

"No."

"Ok, I would like to ask you a few more questions so we know where we stand. Is that acceptable?"

Tom glanced at Fuller. He really wished that he had had an opportunity to talk to him before the meeting. He had no idea where Fuller stood on the situation except for what Sanders had told him and he longed for Fuller's guidance. He didn't see any answers in Fuller's face though so he let out a sigh and decided that he just needed to do what he said he'd do and whatever happens happens, "Yes."

The DA opened up the bound bible-thick statement and paged through to the last page, "Officer Hanson, in the last part of your statement, you stated that you are, I quote, 'not going make or support any charges against the juveniles.' Is this an accurate statement?"

"Yes."

"That statement casts a wide net so would you be willing to confirm that on a case-by-case basis using the list of possible charges that Assistant DA Trowbridge compiled a few days ago based on your statement?"

Tom bit his lip and thought for a moment before answering, "No and yes. I won't support any charges but I am willing to go through the list to identify juveniles who might need more help and attention."

The district attorney nodded his head and slid the affidavit form over for Tom to sign and then turned his attention to Sanders, "I don't think we could successfully pursue any charges without the backing of the undercover officer who witnessed the offenses."

Sanders looked up from the last page of the statement that he had been staring at and threw his reading glasses on the table, "I understand."

"This is ridiculous," spat the chief of staff. "Officer Hanson has a sworn duty to uphold the law."

"Yes, but we all have a duty to take into account mitigating circumstances," retorted the detective from internal affairs.

"Based on what exactly? The statement of a rookie officer and, might I remind you," the chief of staff blurted out, "the same rookie officer who has already ruined a few careers." He sneered at Hanson.

Hanson stared at him bewildered. The chief of staff was bringing up Captain Nelson, Diane Nelson's father? What the hell?

Fuller shot his laser eyes at the chief of staff, "That is completely out of line."

After a moment of tense silence, the detective added, "Um, Assistant DA Trowbridge and I spent the entire day after the deposition at the detention center. The information that we were able to gather from the juveniles and remaining personnel reflect what Officer Hanson included in his statement. I support Officer Hanson's position."

"As do I," declared the assistant DA.

"Fine, whatever," announced the director of juvenile detention waving his hands in the air. "Don't pursue any charges on the inmates. But what about the charges that have already been filed on the personnel?"

Tom felt everyone's eyes turn towards him and he again turned to Fuller for direction. Tom received a nod from Fuller which Tom took as an indication to continue. "Some I will support. There were obvious offenses that the administrators were involved in that shouldn't take a cop to point out why. What I don't know is how the whole thing got started and how far up it went. If some of the personnel were trained a certain way, it would be hard for me to hold them responsible."

"That's understandable, Officer Hanson," stated the DA. "But, for the personnel, would you consider it reasonable to keep the charges and let the courts decide if any mitigating circumstances should be considered?"

Tom thought for a moment then nodded his head, "Yes."

"No, that is not reasonable," spouted the director of juvenile detention causing everyone to turn in his direction. "The detention center has a good record. The drug and assault rates are low. Being in juvenile hall isn't supposed to be fun. The administrators are not meant to be friends with the juveniles. They are supposed to be trying to rehabilitate them. Officer Hanson, don't you think that you just started to identify with the inmates since you were pretending to be one and you just didn't like being there?"

Tom clenched his teeth and felt his ears and cheeks burn with rage. As seemed to be the norm lately, he was not being taken seriously. "Sir, I am not a child. I am a police officer. I know what the law is and I know when it's being broken. But, I also know that people don't always follow the letter of the law when they are in desperate situations and don't know how to get help. The rights of the juveniles are being violated and they have nowhere to turn because the people who are supposed to be rehabilitating them are the very ones exploiting them. Isn't it your job to know what your people are doing and to make sure the juveniles really ARE being rehabilitated? Because that's not what I saw."

The director stared back at Hanson. It was clear that he wasn't expecting the passionate outburst and accusation that came from Tom who had, up until that point, been so cautious with his answers.

The assistant DA cleared her throat and stood up to hand out another set of papers. "Excuse me, director. The reported drug and assault rates are low but the murder rate is two times higher than at comparable facilities. And, the rate of re-incarceration is four times higher… even higher for drug related offenses. That's quite a discrepancy, don't you think? Perhaps actual rates are high but are not being reported because the people who are supposed to be reporting them are intimately involved in committing the offenses."

Sanders looked pointedly at the director, "Do you have any idea what's going on in that center?"

The director turned bright red. "It is not my job to be there every single day watching what is going on between the personnel and the inmates. My department handles thousands of cases each year."

"Then you'll be fine with and participate in a full investigation of the detention center and the department," Sanders surmised looking over his reading glasses at the director. The director looked ready to boil but didn't say anything. Sanders took the silence as a sign to move on. "Okay, so this is what we're going to do. The district attorney will be leading a full investigation of the center. I have located a new captain to head the detention center. Captain Paul Jacobs is from Portland and has led an excellent program with exceptional results there. He will report directly to Commissioner Davis." The director moved to argue but Sanders held up his hand to stop him, "I have already gotten this approved by the city commissioners and the mayor. Captain Jacobs will start on Monday."

"You can't just bypass the chain of command and hire people for my department without my consent and approval!" the director steamed.

"Apparently, I can," barked Sanders.

"That's it. I've had enough of this bullshit. You'll hear from our superiors about this." The director pushed his chair back and stood up. He stared down at Hanson who glared right back at him. He threw the sheet of statistics the assistant DA had handed out on the table which didn't quite give the impact he probably had been looking for as it wafted through the air gently landing on and then sliding off the table. He then turned his heel and huffed out of the room slamming the door behind him.

Once the director left the room, Tom realized that another career was over and he deflated and closed his eyes tightly to try to stave off the headache that was beginning to creep up on him again. He realized that he was still clenching his teeth and unclenched them in an attempt to hold the headache at bay. He hated what was happening which must have been apparent because he felt Doug move closer and briefly squeeze his hand under the table.

Once Tom felt his headache receding a bit, he opened his eyes and saw everyone sitting in awe at how fast Sanders was able to move in the past two days. Sanders broke the silence, "Don't look so shocked everyone. We've had a few suspicions. We were just never compelled or, more accurately, forced to act upon them until now." Without missing a beat, he looked at Tom, "Hanson, you will be reassigned temporarily to the detention center and will report to Captain Jacobs. He wants to have your guidance as to what is going on there. And, from what I understand, you gained some trust with the juveniles," Sanders looked over at the detective from internal affairs who nodded back at him, "so hopefully that will make them more open to talk." Sanders shook his head and smirked before adding, "Apparently, Tommy McQuaid was a good Hammer."

Sanders then turned to face Fuller, "Captain Fuller and Officer Penhall, you will have a supporting role for Captain Jacobs and Officer Hanson. Since they will both be busy at the center, they will need your help dealing with the rest of the juvenile justice department. Are there any questions?" Sanders looked around the room again and seeing no objections, "The last thing we need to deal with is how we're going to handle this investigation publicly. We are going to use Captain Jacobs and Officer Hanson's temporary reassignment as a positive that shows how responsive this department is. Hanson, you will be asked to do certain things for our public relations group so they are able to keep a positive spin on the situation. I expect your, no, I expect everyone's full cooperation, understood?"

Tom felt sickened at the thought of being the focus of public attention. He gave Sanders a begging wide-eyed look that usually worked to get him out of things but Tom guessed that Sanders was probably too familiar with it since he just sighed loudly and added, "Hanson, please realize how serious this situation is to the department. I do not wish to make this into a media circus and if we're going to keep our jobs, we need to maintain the public's trust in us. We're putting a lot on the line on your word. Do what the public relations group tells you to do. It is part of your assignment and they promised to not jeopardize your undercover status. Got it?"

Hanson sighed and gave in, "Yes, sir."

"Okay, let's make sure that we do this right." Sanders pointed at the assistant DA, "You need Officers Hanson and Penhall to go through your list, I assume?"

"Yes, sir. I do."

"Alright, you do that. I'd like to speak again to my chief of staff, Captain Fuller and the DA now in my office to work out the details."

"Sir, may I have a few minutes with my officers?" Fuller interrupted. "I'll meet you in your office in ten minutes?"

"Yes, that's fine. Let's take a ten minute break." Sanders then walked out with the chief of staff and the DA.

"I need to get a couple of social workers who work with the center inmates. They've asked to join us," the assistant DA stated standing up. The detective from internal affairs shook hands with Hanson and walked out with the assistant DA leaving the Jump Street crew alone.

Once everyone was gone, Doug gave Tom a one armed hug, "You okay? It looks like your headache is coming back."

"A bit, yeah. It's okay. It's not as bad as it was." Tom said rubbing his temples and again trying to unclench his teeth that seemed to keep clamping together without Tom realizing it.

Tom didn't see that Fuller had gotten up until he handed him a paper cup full of water. Tom swallowed half of the contents before looking up and attempting a smile but not managing much more than a slight movement of one side of his mouth, "Thanks."

Tom looked Fuller in the eyes and flinched. He hated it when Fuller looked at him like he was now. It felt like he was staring right into him. Fuller sat down beside him and moved to face him, "Are you okay with going back to the center? It will be different but there are still things there that I'm sure you'd rather put behind you."

Tom consciously unclenched his teeth yet again while he thought. He didn't want to go back but Sanders was right. They were doing all this based on what he told them and he needed to see it through. "I know but I need to do it, not just for the kids or the department but for myself too." He stopped and looked down at his hands. The doubts that he had been trying to suppress since his talk with Sanders came flooding back. He looked imploringly at Fuller, "Have I done the wrong thing?"

Fuller squinted at Tom, "Do YOU think you have?"

Tom moved his eyes back to his hands, "No, but do you?"

Fuller shook his head, "No, Tom. You're doing a good job. I'm proud of you. Most cops I know wouldn't question what was happening and would just accept it as they way the system operates."

Tom's heart crushed at Fuller's last statement as thoughts about what Sanders said about his father surfaced. He didn't dare look up for fear that he'd lose his composure for the umpteenth time in the last four days. Doug had gotten used to his tears but Fuller hadn't.

Doug must have seen what was happening so, in true form, he tried to lighten the mood. "And I'm proud of you too, you little knickerbocker, even though I'll be stuck serving your every desire while you get to do all the fun work," Doug said giving Tom another hug, this time a full bear hug that almost lifted Tom out of the seat. Tom didn't look up but smiled. What on earth would he do without Penhall?

"One more thing, Hanson," Fuller said. "You and Doug have appointments with the department psychiatrist tomorrow morning. Dr. Enlow expects you both at 10:00am." Tom threw his begging look on Fuller but he too knew him too well. "Don't even try it, Tom. I expect you two to be there at 10am sharp." Fuller stood up. "I'll be back here after meeting with Sanders. Why don't you two grab some coffee before you have to start again?" Tom and Doug agreed and all three walked out together.

**End of Chapter 8**


	9. Chapter 9

**I lied. O**ne more chapter after this one... ****

****Not that I'm begging but if you've gotten this far through the story, first, thank you for reading and second, **please review! :-)**

**Chapter 9**

The assistant DA, the social workers and the manager of social services were waiting in the conference room when they heard Tom and Doug arguing as they headed down the hallway.

"Geez, Doug, I swear you'd eat a slug if it were covered in chocolate sprinkles."

"That's just gross, Hanson. I'd lick off the sprinkles but I would surely not eat the slug. By the way, I like rainbow sprinkles better than chocolate ones."

Tom walked through the door holding two paper cups filled with coffee and scrunched his nose at Doug, "That is….I don't even know how to respond to that. You'd lick….Rainbow sprinkles?"

"Yeah, the chocolate ones look like little pieces of poop." Doug said matter-of-factly as he walked in behind Tom. He was loaded down with an assortment of vending machine donuts and crullers that he had bought for the two of them along with the coffee.

The manager of social services shook his head. He was used to dealing with these two jokers. They were regulars in his department and always seemed to be having the most bizarre arguments with one another. He would have taken them both as psychiatric cases except that they were two of the most committed cops when it came to watching out for their arrestees. The social workers both hated them and loved them. They hated them because the pair wouldn't leave things alone to just mosey through the system. Hanson, in particular, would hound the department, sometimes daily and in person, if he thought someone deserved a second chance and needed one of the social workers to push something through. On the other hand, the social workers loved the two because, through their extra efforts at being pains in the asses, they were impressively successful at helping get people out of the system and on their own.

The manager chuckled and broke their sprinkles musings, "Hanson, Penhall, good to see you."

"Hey, Mabin," Doug said as he dropped the load he was carrying onto the conference table and went to shake hands with him.

Hanson and Penhall greeted the social workers and they all sat down around the table. Doug grabbed one of the donuts packages and started to open it deliberately making as much noise as possible with the plastic while staring at Hanson daring him to say something but Tom just gave him a brief look of disgust. Mabin took the distraction as an opportunity to survey Hanson. He had heard about the deposition and although Hanson and Penhall were up to their normal antics, Mabin was startled by Hanson's appearance. Aside from the bandage on his head, Tom looked pale with the exception being red circles around his eyes that looked as if he'd been crying. And when Tom looked up, his eyes were too dark. Mabin couldn't see the deep sparkle that usually resided in them.

The assistant DA gave a small knowing smile to Mabin and passed around a packet of papers. "You've all been briefed about Officer Hanson's statement. The top page of this packet shows the list of potential charges that we compiled based on the statement. No actual charges will be filed but I would like to use it as a starting point to discuss the status of each of the inmates in the block that Officer Hanson investigated. The purpose of this meeting will be to identify any actions that social services should consider taking to assist the juveniles in the facility. Are there any questions?" The assistant DA looked up. Upon seeing none she started through the list.

The process was long and tedious but Hanson deeply appreciated the fact that everyone in the room was willing to go through the list and discuss each inmate in detail. The social workers were prepared. They had brought all of the case files with them and pulled out each one and reviewed it before deciding whether any action plan was necessary to try to help the inmate. They had gotten about three quarters of the way through the list and the assistant DA called out the next name, "Jose Alvarez, age 14."

Tom's lifted his head from the list he was staring at and looked at the assistant DA. Jose was the kid who had looked so young and scared during the fist fight in front of the TV.

One of the social workers pulled out his file and leafed through it, "Jose Alvarez. It looks like he's waiting for a foster home."

"Waiting for a foster home?" Tom asked. "You mean he's not actually serving a sentence?"

"Well, yes, he was," the social worker said as she read part of his file. "He was convicted of being an accessory to murder. His older brother committed the murder and it looks like Jose helped him get rid of the weapon and hide from police. He finished his sentence about a month ago but we are not able to locate his family so we've been trying to find a foster family for him. The problem is that very few foster families are willing to take on a case like his."

"So he's just being housed in the detention center because you can't find anyone who is willing to take him?" Tom was shocked. He could understand why a family wouldn't want a murderer or major drug dealer or user in their home but Jose was probably just doing what his older brother told him to do without realizing how bad it was. "How much longer will it take to find him a family?"

"It's hard to say," the social worker said closing Jose's file. "Maybe a few days, maybe several months."

"Isn't there somewhere else he can go?" Doug inquired.

"Not for someone his age. Halfway houses are only for adults and their children. Children can't be there by themselves. A foster family is really the only option and if we can't find one for him, he's kind of in limbo at the center. I know it stinks but we really don't have another option."

Tom and Doug looked at each other and Mabin's internal alarm went off. It quickly became clear to him that Hanson and Penhall had just latched onto a goal, to get Jose out, and now they were silently hatching a plan of attack.

Tom moved his gaze from Doug to Mabin, "Can he stay with me until you find him a family?"

"You're not a licensed foster parent," Mabin said shaking his head.

"But it's not right that he's in there," Doug argued seamlessly following Tom's lead. "Don't you let some juveniles go on their own recognizance?"

Mabin shook his head again, "That's only for older juveniles who are close to their 18th birthday and even they are closely supervised by their parole officers."

"What would need to be done to make an exception?" Hanson pressed.

"Hanson, he's 14."

Doug scoffed, "Someone thought he was old enough to be sent to juvenile detention by himself. The judge didn't seem to be too worried about his age then. Why would there be different standards for letting him go?"

Mabin started to get aggravated, "That's the problem. He has nowhere to go to."

Tom glanced at Doug for a moment then stared intently at Mabin, "Yes, he does."

Mabin sighed. He had seen Tom positively influence enough teenagers that he trusted that he would probably be Jose's best bet at getting his life together but the logistics of getting a release of Jose to Hanson's custody would be daunting and long, "Tom, I'm sorry but I don't see how it would work. Jose is just going to have to wait until we find a family for him."

The assistant DA picked up Jose's file and glanced through it. She bit a fingernail in thought before standing up, "Perhaps it's worth a try. Will you excuse me for a few minutes?"

The assistant DA was gone for about fifteen minutes during which time Tom and Doug took turns harassing Mabin about what they could do to get Jose out of the center. They had gotten so frustrated with Mabin disagreeing with every idea they came up with that they started to overtly discuss how they'd break Jose out by hiding him in a laundry bin. Mabin knew they just might try it and that put him in a very hard position and they knew it. He'd either have to report their threats causing more upheaval in the department or not report them and hope they were just bluffing. If they did try to get him out, it would leave an opening for the media to find out about the situation and add more fuel to the fire. He started to lose his temper when the assistant DA came back in followed by Fuller, Chief Sanders and the representative from media relations who had been in the original deposition. The room became quiet as they sat down.

"So, I hear that there is an inmate who is in need of a temporary home," Sanders said. "Mabin what do you think about releasing him to Officer Hanson's custody?"

"Sanders, you know that's not protocol," Mabin stated.

"No, but we're dealing with special circumstances. Nothing we're doing right now follows protocol."

"Sir, we can't just place a juvenile in an unlicensed home. I know that Hanson would do a good job but there are still liabilities we need to consider."

"We release juveniles to unlicensed homes all the time. They're called the kids' families," Sanders said. Mabin moved to argue but Sanders stopped and waived his hands, "I know, I know. My line of arguing is going to go nowhere. Look, let's consider the potential consequences of leaving this juvenile in the center. If the media gets hold of that information, they'll have a field day with your department for not finding him a home. I'd rather have control over how this is handled, wouldn't you?"

Mabin hunched his shoulders, "Ok, but it's not that easy. We'd have to get approval from a judge to give Officer Hanson temporary custody. That would take a case review and a hearing. That takes at least two weeks to do and that's if we can get on one of the juvenile judge's calendars."

"Let's shoot for a release tomorrow afternoon. I'll make some phone calls." Sanders said disregarding Mabin's concerns. He then turned his attention to Tom, "Hanson, are you sure you're up for this?

Hanson gave Sanders a determined look, "Yes, sir," but then his face sobered, "but what if there are others in the same situation as Jose?"

The social workers turned into high gear. They grabbed the files of the few remaining inmates whose files they had yet to go through and quickly reviewed them. After reviewing the last one, the social worker who had originally looked through Jose's file piped in, "No, they are all serving sentences." She stood up, "I'll go check to see whether Camp Howard has room for Jose to start taking classes on Monday. Jose can go there during the day to help transition him back into school. It's only about a mile from the detention center so it wouldn't be out of the way for Officer Hanson as long as he's working at the center."

Sanders nodded his head in agreement then turned back to Tom, "I expect you to work with the media relations department to get a statement out and make Jose's release a winning story for this department. I also want confirmation from the department psychiatrist that you are well enough to take on this responsibility." Tom looked at him dismayed and Sanders softened, "I trust that you can do this, Tommy. You'll be fine."

End of Chapter 9


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

The next morning, Tom and Doug went to go see the department psychiatrist. Fuller had called in the morning to say that there were meetings set up with a judge and that the assistant DA and Mabin were both pushing through the necessary approvals and paperwork for Tom to take custody of Jose. When they drove up to the medical center and got out of the car, Tom could feel his heart pounding in his chest. He did not want to be there. It made Amy's death far too real again and he dreaded having to go through another session.

Doug must have seen his hesitation. He walked around the car, put his arm around Tom's shoulders and marched him towards the building. "Come on. He already knows what's up and we're going together. We have to get through this before they can let Jose go. Don't worry. If Enlow gets out of line, we can just sic the McQuaids on him, 'kay?"

Tom let out the breath he was holding and told himself that the best thing to do was just answer Dr. Enlow's questions openly. Nothing really got by him anyway. Tom learned that the hard way when he started to withdraw from everyone after Amy's death and it earned him eight days in the hospital and daily sessions with an acute stress disorder specialist. Tom shuddered at the memory and Doug tightened his arm that was around Tom's shoulders.

Thankfully, having Doug there helped immensely and Tom pulled on Doug's strength. Doug had already gone through a couple of sessions with the doctor so he and Enlow talked for awhile while Tom listened. Doug's symptoms had pretty much gone away when Tom had gotten out of the detention center, probably because Doug had Tom to concentrate on. They then turned the discussion to Tom and talked about his concussion and how emotional he'd been during the last several days. Through the whole hour long session, Tom's eyes kept creeping back to his and Doug's files that were sitting on Dr. Enlow's desk. It disturbed him to see how thick his file was compared to Doug's.

After the first hour, Dr. Enlow asked to talk to Tom privately. Tom should have expected it but his heart still started pounding fiercely as his fight-or-flight reflex kicked into gear. He tried to calm himself down but, of course, Dr. Enlow brought up Doug's breakdown and asked Tom to talk through what happened. He and Doug had touched on the subject during the deposition but Tom had been avoiding the subject beyond that. He didn't know if he was ready to talk about it and after a few false starts, he found that he just couldn't do it and became angry with himself. If he couldn't talk about it, Dr. Enlow probably wouldn't approve Jose's release to him.

He drew in a deep breath and tried again. This time he choked on the lump in his throat and lowered his head into his hands, "I'm sorry. I know I need to be able to tell you what happened."

"Tom, take it in steps. Can you tell me what you were feeling when you just tried?"

Tom raised his head and looked at Enlow with his large eyes filled with fear, "I don't want to go back there… I didn't know what to do. You know what happened. I, I just sat there and listened to him scream."

"You didn't think you could do anything?"

Tom shook his head.

"Looking back, was there anything you could have done to stop it or help?"

Tom shook his head again, "If there was a way, I couldn't come up with it." He looked down at his hands.

"How does that make you feel?"

Tom shrugged his shoulders, "I don't know. Angry. Guilty. I felt so helpless… so, so useless. How could I let that happen to my partner? I wanted to scratch through the walls. He was so close but I couldn't get to him." Tom stopped. He blinked trying to hold back a memory.

Enlow noticed, "What is it, Tom?"

"Um, the next day I ended up back in solitaire pretty quickly again. Mattie, the kid who died, we fought and he was in solitaire too. He cried through most of the night. I don't know." Tom looked up, "I guess between Doug and Mattie, it started to really get to me."

"Listening to someone in pain and not being able to help would get to most people, Tom. You see that Doug is doing okay now, though, right? He wasn't doing so well when I first saw him but today I see he's doing much better. You've helped him and you probably don't even realize it."

Without being able to control it, Tom blurted out, "But Mattie's dead. I didn't help him. I'm the reason he died."

Enlow allowed a pause before asking, "Why do you say that?"

"I gave up the hammer and caused the riot that killed him."

"Did you start the fighting?"

"No."

"Did you participate in beating Mattie?"

"No, but I should have known what would happen."

Enlow sighed, "Tom, I don't have an easy answer for you and I'm not going to lie to you. Another action may have resulted in that young man not dying that night. But, you were not the one who chose to beat him. This is something you're going to have to work through and learn to live with."

Tom turned his eyes back to inspecting his hands, "I know"

"How are you going to do that?"

Tom creased his brows and stared at the corner of Enlow's desk while he thought. After a minute, he looked up, "I'm going to try to make something positive come out of it."

"Do you know what that is?"

Tom sat up straight and looked Enlow straight in the eyes, "Yes."

They spent the rest of the session talking about Tom's temporary reassignment to the center and about how he was trying to get custody of Jose. The more Tom talked about it, the more sure he was that he was doing the right thing. By the end of the session, Tom felt stronger and more positive and Dr. Enlow concluded that he would need follow-up sessions to work through some of the experiences he had had and to make sure he continued to recover but that he would be fine taking custody of Jose.

Tom walked out of Dr. Enlow's office and walked to where Doug was sitting leafing through a magazine. Doug closed the magazine and looked at him, "You good?"

Tom smiled, "Yeah."

As they walked out of the medical center together, Doug updated him on what was happening downtown. "I talked to Fuller. He said all the approvals are ready for Jose. They just need the phone call from Dr. Enlow and the judge will sign the release papers. Mabin also went to the center to talk to Jose. He's ready to get out of there."

"Did Fuller say when he'd be released?"

"4:00"

Tom stopped walking and looked at him, "Really? That's in three and a half hours from now."

Doug walked back and grabbed Tom's arm to make him start moving again, "No kidding. Come on, you need to fill out and sign a butt load of paperwork and work out details with Mabin's group so let's go."

Doug really hadn't been kidding. Tom's hand started cramping after he was only about half of the way through the mountain of paperwork that he had to fill out and he stopped and shook his hand to try to stop it from seizing up on him. He looked at Doug who was busy filling out Tom's name and address information on the forms to try to speed things up and Tom felt a pang in his chest, "Hey, man, thanks for everything."

Doug glanced up at him and smiled before resuming filling out Tom's address for the 20th time, "Don't get all mushy on me, Hanson. We don't have time for that."

Tom smiled and picked up his pen again and grabbed the next form to fill out. As he was entering his birthdate for what he estimated to be the 16th time, he heard Doug mumble, "Besides, you know I only do it because I love you too."

Tom finished all the paperwork and got Jose's parole and school schedule's set by 3:30pm leaving him a half an hour to rush over to the detention center to pick up Jose. Doug stayed downtown to help the social workers run the filled out paperwork around to the necessary departments. He then planned to meet up with Tom and Jose later for dinner. As Tom pulled up to the center, he felt a little trepidation about how he was going to handle taking care of a teenager. He took a deep breath and got out of the car. He reminded himself that he works with teenagers all the time. This was no big deal. He dug his hands deep into his jacket pockets to stave off the cold and leaned against the car to wait. After only a few minutes, he saw the door to the center open and Jose walk out with a small red duffel bag. Jose walked down the steps and stood at the bottom looking left and right, obviously not really knowing who he was looking for. Tom stood up and brushed his hair back with his hand before starting to walk towards Jose. This was the first step and he was going to make it count.

FINIS.

**Thanks for reading! Hopefully, the ending isn't too ridiculously corny.**


End file.
